“कुछ दिनों से ख़्वाहिशें करना छोड़ दिया है,जो मिल जाता है उसी से दिल को क़रार अाता है”
Very few people are aware that I am fond of Urdu poetry and I try to scribble some couplets at times…
I have always refrained from sharing my couplets with my friends and family. I always thought that you should keep a piece of you to yourself but then eventually that piece would die with you. But if you share that piece with people around you then maybe perhaps when you are no longer alive someone somewhere will remember you and feel warm.
So I am sharing a latest couplet and will slowly share more..
“Dil ko teri umeed hi sahi aur is umeed se naumeed hi sahi, yeh meri soch ka khalal hi sahi, aur is khalal se dil mein khalish hi sahi…”
We all have experienced the feeling known as loneliness..you feel lonely at home, at work, with friends, with family, when you are actually alone or when you are with people who are not the right ones for you. You are alone if the people around you do not appreciate your presence. We all are so apprehensive of being alone. But how tranquil loneliness can be.. it’s serenity can only be revered by those who have been through the agonies of undesirable company. In the beginning it is a manifestation of losing yourself and then slowly discovering the new you. It is devoid of fear..fear of being hurt…fear of losing..fear of comparison…fear of compromise…fear of fearing. It gradually becomes your shield…a blanket which keeps your heart warm when everything around is so cold. The beauty of being lonely lies in the fact that you start trusting yourself again..slowly and slowly inch by inch you move ahead and pick up the broken pieces and create a form which is fragile yet enduring. It gives you comfort during the most difficult of times. Those who embrace it will eventually learn to appreciate love, life and goodness. Loneliness is solace. It’s a beautiful state which cannot be ruined ever.
Dedicating these thoughts to Pink Floyd who gave us the evergreen song …’comfortably numb’….
Not every dawn essentially is a promise of a better day but it undoubtedly enforces the fact that life goes on. We leave our abodes every morning to justify our existence, to add onto our experiences, to start some new relationships or to say goodbyes to old ones. We either fight with the odds or succumb to despair.
The ever evolving cycle of life puts us through highs and lows…day after day..dawn after dawn.. The human heart keeps hoping so that the mind does not lose the battle with life. Even on days when you look forward to nothing your heart tells your mind we both need to survive the cycle of life and work in tandem. The mind supports the heart with logics and a strong heart always encourages a weakened mind. And both learn to accept the fact that life goes on and there is a promise of another dawn.
Life is a complicated phenomena and we tend to hope that we experience this phenomena and if possible fathom before we reach the end of our journey.
The new year started on a pensive note; with the sad demise of my Mamaji on the first day of this year, life has left me in a pensive mood. I always question people on 31st Dec of every year that how can one be sure that the coming year will be a happy year? People perhaps find me very melancholy or perceive me as a pessimist and ignore my question. But then our perception of events are in our control and I have attained a more realistic view of life over a period of years. So when I heard the news of my Mamaji, the realistic part of me did not condole his death. He was 90 years old, suffering from Parkinson and had been ailing since last 2 years. He had lived his life to the fullest. He was a role model for many of us. A devoted son, a responsible brother, a caring husband and a father, doting grandfather and a humble human being. We always admired him for his impeccable command over English language and his sense of duty towards the family. When a human being gives so much and receives so much more, life becomes significant. I still remember the sound of his voice; it was a wonderful blend of maturity and softness. He lived life with a complete flare.
But the melancholic self realised that every death marks the end of an era. My Mamaji may not be known to many people but he left an everlasting expression on every human being he met. He will be missed on every festival, on every occasion and on his birthday. The very feeling that he is still there gave comfort to the family. Death not only takes away the human body but also the thoughts, the virtues and the deeds. The next generation inherits these but cannot imbibe it. The very concept of life will be defeated if the inherent part of the departed passed over to younger generation do not evolve with it. It is poignant but a reality that no form is immortal; what has taken birth has to end to keep the cycle of life running forever.
Such is human nature, so tangled we are in worldly duties that we emerge from all grieving, from all losses but the scars remain. The memories do not fade away the agony lessens though.
As we mourn the death in the new year we have resigned to that fact that no one stays forever…some we lose to circumstances and some we lose to death. And death is the ultimate truth.
There are only two milestones for human beings…birth and death. And what happens in between is life…
As a child I have been fascinated by the colourful bookmarks. Me & my sister would often fight over building our respective collection of bookmarks! And even today when I walk in a bookstore I almost end up buying a bookmark. And if I don’t buy one I pray hard for the cashier to give me one along with the book (which sadly doesn’t happen)..
But with the new book on the shelf called Kindle the mark of bookmark will soon disappear. Kindle doesn’t smell like a book (if you can relate to what I am saying!), doesn’t feel like a book and when I want to stop reading there are no two pages where I can put my bookmark in between…
So is the thing called a bookmark going to dissappear or will people like me still buy books (not on Kindle) because the bookmark needs a companion?
I started my New Year by creating a wish list of things I would like to do and places I would like to visit in my remaining lifetime. And the first place which I wanted to visit was Tuglakabad Fort.. There are a couple of people who know that it has been my perennial wish to visit the Fort. Someone told me it looks magnificent on a full moon night.. But I being a person who is scared of shadows would never venture to visit ruins at night unless of course I have a company. So I was ecstatically happy when Delhi Photography Club announced a heritage photo walk at Tuglakabad Fort! In my excitement I registered twice and got frantic when I didn’t receive any confirmation email from DPC.
The confirmation email did come…I mean they couldn’t have missed my two registrations..!
The walk meant sacrificing my Sunday morning sleep..it’s a different thing that I could hardly sleep last night because of my child like exhilaration.
So this morning saw me getting ready in anticipation of a thrilling time ahead..my wish was about to be fulfilled!!
The Fort stood tall and majestic proclaiming it’s story of royalty and bravery. The sole witness of an empire and of the bygone era of our history. Embracing thorny bushes signifying how neglected and isolated it stands and is yet not weakened by time. I feel sorry for not maintaining our heritage monuments. We are only further ruining our ruins.. The fort does not have carvings or designs or delicate pattens instead it is an architectural beauty which is beyond words. The alleys, the stairs, the arcs echo the talent of those who built this fort. Surrounded by urban population who do not value the heritage the Fort is standing tall proud of its history. It has been battered by time but is relentless. I am still an amateur photographer who is exploring life through the lens..with exposure being high at times and messing up with white balance or failing to frame a photo and hence I gave up clicking photos after a while. I was happy soaking the raw and rustic surroundings and finding romance in the ruins. Despite my fear for heights I enjoyed the 360 degree view of the area from the Fort.
So here is to the memories which were never created but were a part of me throughout the walk and to my wish list which has one wish struck off from it!!